Ten Years Later

So I tried to get on to post this yesterday, but I couldn't remember all my log in info.

I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that my infertility journey began the week of September 11, 2001. What a week that was!

My sister got married to one of my husband's best friends the Saturday before. I thought that had disaster written all over it at the time. I put on my dress, donned my best smile, and kept my own secrets so as not to tarnish her day after months of planning.

Several weeks before it had been decided that I would have a laparascopy to see if pain that I had been experiencing was due to endometriosis. Well, I was having dizzy spells and what I'll call "microblackouts" as well. However, at least I had enough notice to sit down in a chair when my ears started ringing just before my world turned black. Since I'm a teacher this needed to be investigated, and many of my symptoms pointed to endometriosis. I think I was actually dreading the six months of lupron more than the surgery though. Medical menopause just doesn't sound like fun, and it's something people in their twenties don't think about.

Anyway, I kept all of that quiet through the wedding. My family had been under enough stress since my parents house was struck by lightening and caught fire in June. (Yeah, on my fifth anniversary actually.) My sister's wedding dress had been inside their house. If the fire department had arrived ten minutes later they would have lost everything. They owe their photos to someone who had called 911 while driving by. They did lose their pets.

Now I don't remember when I shared the news of my upcoming surgery with my family, but it wasn't until after the wedding.

My parents freaked out on September 11, 2001 because my sister was in Mexico on her honeymoon and couldn't get home. I told them she was perfectly safe outside of the United States, but they were looking into chartering a plane. Isn't it ironic that ten years later they wouldn't be so safe in Mexico?

So, looking back it took 9 years for us to get our family. Ten years later I'm holding my second baby and looking forward to her first birthday this week. I hate to think about the time I lost with my family due to infertility, but I know I wouldn't have the same girls if they had been born at any other time.

A Family of Four

Our baby girl will turn one next month. Where did the time go?

Miracles Do Happen

Much to our surprise, my husband and I have learned that we are having another baby. It seems the "happy accident" that I have hoped for has really happened.

Update: It's Been a Year Since I Posted!

Yikes! Well, I am amazed that I haven't posted in a year. My job this past year was terrible. I was placed in a moldy classroom that didn't even have air conditioning or heat for about 6 weeks because it was broken. Yes, the problem was reported promptly. I was disgusted to call that portable my "office" after spending six years in school. I was sick for at least half of the school year and suffered from hoarseness. I couldn't even sing to my daughter, and that just really ticked me off. Since my students only attend my class for three or four hours a week, they didn't get sick and therefore there was nothing for the parents to complain about, so it seems.

I'm still hoping for a better job situation next year. I pray that something will work out.

My dh and I would love to have another child, but we're not going to attempt any more ART at this time. We're hoping for a "happy accident."

Our daughter is doing great. She is such a happy, cuddly girl. She turns tumblesaults, counts to three, and gives the best kisses ever. I am thrilled that we were blessed with her, and she is everything we could have ever dreamed of.

And I am pleased to say we have those dreaded 15 month shots behind us.

Almost 6 months

Anastasia is doing great. Honestly, I never could have imagined how happy she gets over the simplest things. Hearing her giggle at the unexpected just makes my day. She's been making some new sounds and is close to sitting up. And she loves to be spoon fed! Bananas are her favorites. Her six month appt is tomorrow afternoon, and I can't wait to officially find out how much she has grown. She was 26 inches long when I measured her yesterday, but we can only get a very rough estimate of her weight on our cheap home scale.

A Full Fledged Member of...

Anastasia is a full fledged member of the roly poly club. Today she rolled from her tummy to her back. She rolled to her left and to her right. She rolled and rolled until she rolled off the quilt she was on. She was so pleased with herself and a total delight to watch. We're at a better place now. I finally have moments when I feel as though I can relax. And there are moments when I feel as though my daughter truly loves me. My heart soars, and I feel happier than I've felt in 5 years.

Milestones Achieved

June 22, 2006.... What a day...

My husband and I were married ten years ago. Little did we know the trials and tribulations we would endure. Originally my husband wanted three kids and I wanted two at the most. We actually had some mild disagreements on this issue. Now we are thankful for the one we were finally blessed with.

Anastasia had her own celebration today. She rolled over for the first time, actually the first seven times. Our daughter was quite the roly poly today. She's been working on this skill for weeks now with sheer determination, and we knew she almost had it. ANN was immensely proud of herself, which we could see from her beaming face. That was the highlight of the day.

I decided I would treat myself to an at home facial to get the disgusting gunk of what felt like months of dead skin cells on my face. I picked Anastasia up while I had a green clay mask on my face, since I was waiting for it to dry. I worried that I would scare her, but I just needed to give my cutie a cuddle. Wow! Am I ever glad I picked her up, as it was one of the cutest moments ever. Anastasia put two fingers in my not quite dry mask. I could see a tinge of green on those tiny fingers, and feared that she was going to place them right in her mouth. I hope I never forget the moments that followed. She smiled sweetly at me, and I chuckled without moving my mouth. Then she giggled one one of her adorable giggles. Then I chuckled. Once again I heard, "Giggle, giggle, giggle." Apparently even a four month old recognizes that women look ridiculous with mud masks on their faces.

Overall I had a great day with Anastasia. Unfortunately, since my husband is away for at least eleven hours every weekday at work, I end up being exhausted before each day is over. I love my daughter, but typically I need relief sooner. I spend so much time holding her that I hardly remember to straighten my shoulders when I'm away from her. At this rate I'm well on the road to becoming a stump shouldered older lady in twenty to thirty years.

I wish the rest of the day had gone as well though. My husband left work early, so I thought he would be home early. No. You see, he had to leave work early in order to pick up a gift from me. He got two more Precious Moments figurines for the collection he started for me. A boy and a girl with rings on their fingers. The figurines are each called I still do. He told me our local Hallmark store is going out of business because the lease has gone up too much, so the store is having a going out of business sale. Apparently that's why my present wasn't gift wrapped, since I received it in the Hallmark bag. Hubby also picked up some half dead looking flowers from the grocery store.

I was a little disappointed. What I have really been wanting is an amethyst ring: Anastasia's birthstone. However, I have enough jewelry really. I don't really need another ring.

Our dinner was terrible. I suggested we go to a restaurant known for steaming royal red shrimp and snow crab clusters. When we got there the waitress tried to sit us, with Anastasia, at a table right beside a guitar player with an amp. I tried to tell my dh that we should leave. Apparently, he thought that just meant we needed a different table. I thought surely one guitar player wouldn't be that loud, so I kept my mouth shut. My mistake.

My husband ordered a glass of wine for each of us. Apparently then he decided we were committed to the restaurant. My attitude was we should have paid for the two glasses of wine and tried to go elsewhere to salvage the night. Anastasia's eyes welled up with tears. The guitar player, who must have been playing along with some recorded obnoxious music in the background, was making her miserable. Seeing her upset made me more miserable. (I now know what the trite phrase, "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you" means.)

To top things off dh just ordered tuna. We could have gotten tuna at a half dozen other restaurants in town. Like a complete idiot I ordered the shrimp and crab clusters, knowing I'd be taking them home with me to eat. When dh finished his meal I begged him to go ahead and ask for the check. He decided that perhaps he could help me peel my meal so I could eat it faster. As a result, I ate my crab legs while hearing Anastasia wail. I snapped. I told dh he was going to ask for the check and I was going to go ahead and take our daughter outside.

Dh didn't even box up the crab clusters on my plate. So, three crab clusters went to waste. At least he did bring out the shrimp.

After that fiasco, he thought we'd go to the pier by the bay where he proposed to me. I asked him if he remembered that Anastasia hates the wind. We had made her miserable enough for one night. I just wanted to go home and eat, since I was hungry.

I cried and cried on the way home. I cried because another anniversary was ruined. I cried because our daughter had been miserable. I cried because it seems as though my husband doesn't know my daughter at all.

And I have learned in the future that I will be much more outspoken about what I want in restaurants. We spent a ton of money on misery.

Originally I had told myself our anniversary would be good as long as it was better than our 5th anniversary. On our 5th anniversary my parents house caught on fire when it was struck by lightening. I spent our 6th anniversary at the hospital with my Dad because he had a panic attack one year later.

Thank goodness though, this year we were able to celebrate having a daughter. We waited such a long time for her, and I love her dearly.

4 months old

I can hardly believe that my daughter will be 4 months old on Wednesday, June 7. Sadly, that means her 4 month check up is two days away, which is dreaded due to the CDC's shot schedule. I have to make a decision. Do I stay mum and allow ANN to get all 4 shots and get sick again for 10 days? Or do I speak up and ask to have the shots split up, taking the risk of ANN being sick on two separate occassions? Ironically, last year on June 7 I was having a retrieval. This year I will be finding out how much Anastasia has grown.

1st round of shots

Anastasia had her shots at her two month appt in April. (4 shots total) Since shots made me very sick when I was little I told her ped that I wanted to split them up. Like an idiot, I let the ped convince me that Anastasia would be okay when she told me that only a handful of her patients have had a fever for more than a day. Well, Anastasia had a fever for ten days and the ped's office hardly seemed to care. So, I've learned to follow my instincts as a Mom. I also learned that my daughter likes both grape and cherry Tylenol. However, I recommend finding the dye free cherry because it got all over my daughter's clothes. Thankfully it washed out easily.

3 month update

Anastasia and I are doing well. She turned 3 months old this week, and I can't believe my time at home with her is half over. I dread the return to work, but that's a post in itself. Anastasia is cooing more than ever, and I'm convinced her voice is the loveliest sound I have ever heard. She is also holding her head up well, so I have ordered a Bumbo seat for her, which should arrive today. She smiled at me this week when I walked into the room while she was swinging. She has never smiled in her swing before. However, I'm convinced she must like her swing since she seldom cries while she is in it. She has grown enough now that she can finally wear some of her 3 to 6 month clothes. I adore my daughter, but she is certainly keeping me busy!