Estrogen Patch Fun

Starting 8 days after retrieval, I had to begin applying two estrogen patches, which had to be changed every three days. At first, I was afraid that keeping up with this schedule was going to be too complicated.

However, I have come to find that the greatest inconvenience isn't keeping up with the schedule. The first challenge is finding a site to place these patches so that they won't be seen for three days in public regardless of my plans. This can be a tricky proposition in the middle of summer, especially when low rise styles are so popular. These oh so gorgeous, clear little rectangles can only be worn on the belly, the buttocks, or the front of the thighs. Strategic placement is a necessity or else someone will see them and think that perhaps I'm wearing two of those birth control patches.

I've come to learn though that removing those lovely little estrogen patches is even grosser. First of all, when you remove the patch an obvious little rectangle of one's epidermis is yanked off, leaving a not quite ready patch of skin naked and exposed. Even more disgusting is the persistant, gray patch of gummy adhesive remaining around the perimeter of the patch. What a lovely mix of dead skin cells, lint, and glue is left, and this stuff is resistant to soap and water or even a good scrub with an alcohol wipe. The gray sticky remains must be physically scraped off of the body, and even then signs still remain as evidence of the patch's former placement.

Once, years ago, I was at a water park and saw someone whose birth control patch was visible on her leg due to poor future planning and placement. I can not for the life of me understand why someone would choose a birth control patch as a method of family planning. I could not commit to dealing with this gray, gummy grime once a week for months and years on end. I suppose it is great for people who can't remember to associate popping a pill with a regular event in her daily schedule. I guess the patch is a kind of birth control for idiots, and all of us in the infertile world know way too many idiots who could use some help in reducing their number of offspring.

So, perhaps sticky horomone coated patches can in fact be a good thing.