Realizing Friday Probably Won't Be A Happy Day

So, I've spent the last week and a half wondering if maybe my embryos stuck around. I've actually wondered if I should buy a pack of hpts to help me make a decision about whether or not I need to get my PIO and estrogen patches refilled.

Well, I picked up one of the two pregnancy books that I have had...for years. Actually, I guess I should say I had to dig around for them since they weren't in a location that's easy to get to. And I opened one.

I turned to the chapter about early pregnancy symptoms. It talks about food cravings and....

Breast Tenderness....

Now breast tenderness is something that's not going on with me. Not in the least. I've read all of the stories about the ladies in the 2ww who are continuously feeling themselves up to see if their bbs are sore. How could I have forgotten this important symptom.

So, I'm not wasting money on hpts. I'm not getting my meds refilled. I'm going to go to the store and buy a half pound of some of that Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee that my parents got me while in Ochos Rios, but I didn't get to enjoy in the middle of this IVF cycle. And of course dh has already consumed the whole thing. Well, Friday I'm going to take that coffee and make myself one strong cup of cappucino and basically dare dh to touch my coffee. I've shared everything with him for 9 years now, but this go around he needs to realize when to keep his hands to himself.

Yes, I'm going to take deep breaths and smell the aroma of the coffee. I'm going to enjoy hearing the grinder as it grounds the beans into a fine mound to be brewed. I'm going to enjoy listening to the espresso maker gurgle the coffee continuously with plenty of hot steam to make a good strong cup. And I'm going to work with that milk frother until it's made the frothiest topping for my espresso imaginable.

And maybe after all of that, then I'll be ready to sit down and have a good cry. Because it's inevitable. Bad news is on its way. Why would I actually think that one IVF cycle will actually have worked its magic for me when others have done so many with no luck?

But, what an amazing journey. I got to see pictures of the embryos that my dh and I made together, through a very technical process. I got to have one last hope that maybe I would get to be a Mom and pretend to join "normal" society. Now I can say that I actually have done it all in an effort to start a family. I have limited the "what ifs" when the time for my inevitable hysterectomy arrives from the uterus that I've learned is slowly collapsing. Wow! I wouldn't have known that had it not been for this IF adventure.

And I'll get to start thanking everyone who helped encourage me to make it this far. However, it will be time for me to get my life back. As much of a life as society allows a childfree couple to have.