Lessons From a Funeral

Yesterday my husband and I attended the funeral of one of his parents best friends. His parents and this friend had actually been friends since before my dh was born, so I was saddened by the thought. They lost another good friend to a horrific accident with a cement truck earlier this year. However, this latest friend died of cancer that had progressed to his spine.

The man's grandson was the first to speak at the funeral. He had some lovely, touching things to say about what he learned about being a "Papa" from watching his grandfather. Listening to what he had to say made me feel a little sad since dh and I are having such a hard time becoming parents.

After several songs, another man got up to speak. He talked about trials versus tribulations, and how when our lives are turned upside down we don't know which we are suffering until after the fact. I truthfully don't know what this had to do with this man's funeral, but it was almost as though the message was targeted directly at my dh and I. The heart of the message was that, if you live long enough, everyone's life will be turned upside down at least once. Dh and I feel as though we are there now.

This man added the importance of "not smelling like smoke" even though you've been through a fire. In other words, not bringing everyone else down with your problems. Ouch! I guess I've gone everyplace smelling like smoke lately. I'm having a hard time crawling out from under the heavy weight of my own infertility. He also spoke of looking at the big picture, and being selfless enough to serve others without just thinking about yourself.

On our way to the gravesite, I mentioned to dh how touching and eloquent the speakers had been. Come to find out, this man's grandson was adopted. I felt speechless. This service was the picture of just how perfect adoption can be. This man, dressed in his military uniform, was the perfect example of a loving grandson.

This past week I've been thinking more and more about adoption. My husband in the past told me that it was something we could look at if I wanted to, but I've always been hung up on "nature vs. nurture" issues. Perhaps it is time for me to look at something that is bigger than myself, and my own need to reproduce biologically after failing the last two and a half years. Maybe this funeral was a sign that an adopted child really can fit into the family perfectly.

I've been reading about how the biggest need for adopted children is to have a family that will love them. I know that is something that we could offer a child effortlessly. In addition, I could finally have something to contribute to all of those "family oriented" conversations which are struck up by other women in their 30s, instead of wishing I could just run away because I having nothing to add other than my personal pain, my own smoke, relating to the topic.